Sunday, June 17, 2007

Sayonara Slackers

Sri Lanka to Expel Slackers

June 17, 2007 (TASS) - In the latest twist, after evicting 'loitering' Tamils, and deporting foreigners without visas, Sri Lanka has decided to expel so-called "Slackers".

Slackers are young, mobile 20 to 30 something persons of Sri Lankan origin, most of whom have lived, worked or studied abroad at some point, and have now returned to Sri Lanka "to have a good time, but do no real productive work, and add no value to the country" the island's media spokesman said.

Defense Spokesman Keheliya Rambukewella said "These slackers come to the country claiming they are here to work, when in reality they are only here to party, eat in beautiful restaurants, and are ready to decamp to a luxury boutique hotel at the drop of a hat".


Keyboard Warriors

Most Slackers are also known to be highly active in the internet blogging scene. They are accused of spending hours debating frivolous topics with little logic or argumentative reasoning, whilst at the same time upholding themselves to be the champions of the liberal elite and defenders of Colombo Cool.

They can be spotted on the internet, engaging in vicious comment wars using narcissistic nom-de-guerre's. Some are defenders of free speech, some are defenders of the government, other blog about human rights and some about Colombo restaurants. The common theme - "We are keyboard warriors" says one. All have highly stylized viewpoints are a ready to go into internet battle whenever an offending view is posted. No one and no topic is spared their trenchant keyboard wit, be it Colombo traffic or Colombo dating.


Pettah Junk

Clearly, all these slacking takes place during working hours. Victor Perera, the Inspector General of Police, is not amused. "These people do no productive work whatsoever. Other countries import highly talented engineers and IIT scientists. What do we get? We get people who take photos of fruits and vegetables and post them on Blogger. These people take us for fools." said Victor Perera.

In addition, Sri Lanka's central banking chief, claims these Slackers add no value addition to the economy, and instead their high salaries and Slack lifestyle consume ever increasing amounts of precious foreign exchange. "People must realize that they are like the imported junk watches in Pettah Market - they look good, but do nothing" said Ajith Nivaard Cabraal, Head of the Central Bank, adding that its a crime to waste foreign exchange on these Slackers. “and this is the reason we had to recalculate the NEER and REER – these figures were getting skewed by these slackers"


Business Class

At the moment, all Slackers are being registered and kept in a temporary holding facility at the Lotus Business Class Lounge in Katunayake, which the government has dubbed Camp Lux.

Jean Kouchner, head of Slackers Sans Frontiers, appealed to the civilian population to help them in this crisis. "These Slackers are not like you and me, they need the best food, the best parties and the best business class lounges - without these amenities, we have a real fear for their well being". Reports are coming in of the Belgian Government preparing an emergency airlift of Business Class seats - in the eventuality that the Slackers will end up being air deported.

So far, the government is tight lipped about the deportation destination, but a sources close to the IGP said they would be sent to Singapore, so that they can finally learn "to teach them a lesson on how good they have had it in Sri Lanka. Its a holiday camp here compared to the kind of work they will have to do over there".


Lifestyle Refugees

Prime Minister Ratnasiri Wicremenayake defended the Government's action, claiming "Sri Lanka is a country of hard-working toilers, to work hard and support the Nation is glorious. We have no room for Slackers in our workforce. " Prime Minister Wicremenayake however insisted Slackers' lifestyle needs such as multiple A/Cs and wireless broadband would be provided for the deportation duration, "we are a responsible Government, and a Government of all Sri Lankans, even Slackers, and will therefore meet their needs". The ICRC has also agreed to run four emergency convoys of iced-coffee (with a hint of brandy) to Camp Lux.

But none of the Slackers we spoke to want to go to Singapore. Many have historically worked in other cosmopolitan locales like Hong Kong, London or Zürich - preferring to instead make a beeline to the slacker climes of Colombo.

Said one defiant Slacker: "I don't want to go to Singapore. I am in SL for lifestyle. Where else but in Sri Lanka can I can work 2hrs per day, drink sweet tea for 2hrs, and then head home for a nice nap before catching some fusion Spanish / Japanese / Lankan tapas at the new Colombo Casa and then on for some funky jazz at Tramps? They work too hard in other cities. I am a lifestyle refugee.".


Lighting Up Sentosa

Opposition leaders, however, are claiming that Sri Lanka should not deport these Slackers, "we should instead rehabilitate them into being productive workers, - that is the only way we can become the next Singapore", says UNP Leader Ranil Wicremasinghe.

Indeed, it appears Singapore has a technologically innovative plan to generate value, literally, from these Slackers. The Singaporean plan, according to Singapore's Minister of Worker Rehabilitation, Minister Kwoon says that Singapore will "extract the hot air inside these Slackers and use it to power a special wind turbine on Sentosa Island to light up multi-coloured lights." Singapore plans on using these vast amounts of hot air generated by Slackers as a major power source, obtaining carbon credits as an added bonus.

The Singaporean Engineering Department posted on a press release that "this is the next phase of urban development. Stage one was land reclamation, now we are moving onto human reclamation. This will rank as a landmark global engineering project." Minister Kwoon added, "This is not an easy task. After all, these are huge egos we talking about."


Slacker Nation

Despite the Government's claim that Slackerism is contained to a few bad apples, some have a more philosophical attitude.

An analyst at Jane's Slacker Weekly, sums it up "The whole nation is defined by Slackerism. Look at their independence movement - other nations fought with tooth and nail with guns and satyagrahas. What did Sri Lankan's do? They slacked off." The theory, according to Jane's, is that the British Imperial machine had one key weakness - it relied on the majority of their subjects desiring hard work in return for self-betterment. But if everyone wants to party, then nothing works. In the face of monumental the monumental Slackerism of Ceylon, the mighty Empire shuddered to a halt. "The British could not work with an island of all slackers, so they just decided to wash their hands off from the whole enterprise."

Indeed, a historical evaluation shows that that Sri Lanka's so called Independence Movement leaders slacking it off with the cream of the Empire during the 1930's and 40's. Dressed up in resplendent British military costumes or elegant Saville Row suits, their minds of Ceylon's 'finest minds' were clearly on the next party, rather than the next Political Party.


By the Slackers, For the Slackers

Some say Slackerism is also at the root of Sri Lanka's governance problems. "What other government in the world has been unable to build more than 3 feet of railway in 60 years? What kind of government takes over 15 years to build a 20 kilometer expressway? Totally slack if ask me." asks an exasperated non-slacking citizen.

We interviewed one Slacker about to be taken to Camp Lux, forlornly packing his Nokia N95 which he had just used to post a picture of a pothole under the caption 'Colombo Pothole'. He said, "Deport us? that's the biggest joke - the biggest Slackers in this island are the Politicians! This is a government by the Slackers, for the Slackers".

It is hard to deny that the present Government has engaged in large public displays of slackery. The President is currently addressing a the International Labour Slack-a-thon in Geneva, and this is the third such travel slack-fest in the last 12 months, including a major 60 person party at the ICC Cricket World Cup in the West Indies (sources close to the ICC have applauded the Sri Lankan governmental delegation for taking the "carnival of cricket" slogan to its literal conclusion).

The government's political allies, the socialist Marxist JVP party, are however, not so happy. Their spokesman says "We are not against slacking per se. But we believe that there should exist an equality of slacking for all under a unitary framework. Why should it only be Colombo bloggers that are allowed to party? The common people want to join in". Most political observers comment that this is disingenuous on the part of the JVP, for in Sri Lanka "public or private sector, everyone slacks off. The difference is that in the private sector, the instruments of slacking are LCD screens used to surf the internet and nice views of the Beira, whereas in the public sector, employees slack off using much humbler means such as the thrice daily tea break."

One government employee, however, who is definitely not slacking, is the President's younger brother, Gotabhaya Rajapakse. In the last 18 months, the younger Mr. Rajapakse has been busy dismantling past institutions of slacking, including the Cease Fire Agreement and several large sections of the Sri Lankan Constitution.


Fab Cake

Paikasothy Savaranamuttu, head of the CSA - Centre for Slack Alternatives, decries the de-generation of Sri Lanka's Slacker society. "The key measure of a civilized society, is the number of Slackers in our midst. These people, by their sheer in-aptitude for hard work are a beacon for other hard-working nations across the third-world - that they too, one day, can be Slack Like Us".

A foreign diplomat based in Colombo says "Slackers want to have their cake (preferably Fab) and eat it too. They see the whole of Sri Lanka as one big delicious Fab chocolate cake, which can be enjoyed after lunch, with afternoon tea or after dinner. They really have no one to blame but themselves for their overindulgence."

As night descends on Camp Lux, the Slackers remain defiant, the soft clacking of keyboards and the flashing of camera phones, demonstrating their never-say-die attitude. Says one "you can take the Slacker out of Colombo, but you can never take Colombo out of the Slacker".


Saturday, June 16, 2007

the astronaut






i have been having 2 very separate conversations with 2 different friends of mine and it got me reflecting on my past aspiration: to become Sri Lanka's first astronaut much in the same vain as Kalpana Chawla was for India ( may she rest in peace). To cut a long story short we both did aerospace engineering to join Nasa at some stage and get on to the astronaut program. anyway she did and i decided to pursue more commercial ventures.

the love of flight and space is still there and thought i would share some pictures i received from yet another friend - simply breathtaking ...










Thursday, June 7, 2007

Death of Prof V. K Samaranayake

Just got an e-mail announcing that Prof V. K Samaranayake has passed away. No news yet about the funeral arrangements. May he rest in peace.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Shift happens - another perspective on our future

Came across this link and thought it appropriate to share...


Shift Happens - Watch more free videos

Monday, June 4, 2007

an optimist's views on the next 25 years for Sri Lanka


the futures so bright - i got to wear shades - timbuk 3

Been a number of arguments of late about the state of the country and more specifically just how "bad or good" things are and will get. M accuses A and I of being the "last 2 optimists in Sri Lanka". Anyway A is going to publish an article soon enough and thought I would share with the blogosphere my own predictions.

So Personally these are my predictions (in 5 year blocks):

2007- 2012 Politics: War, more war and then war weariness. Somewhere around 2010/11 a truce (peace) declared giving an autonomous state in the North Province to be governed by the LTTE for 5 years without an election (similar to what was given in the Phillipines to the Moros Liberation Front). East rejoins the rest of the island and starts to develop. APC finally makes this proposal in 2008. Haggling about this occurs thru 2009-2010. Karuna arrested or killed in 2008/9.

Economics: 2008-9 – Relatively Dire GDP growth around 4% - but jobs created in south for Hambantota port. LKR 125 :USD 1, Inflation around 10%.

2010- 11: Hope emerges – GDP growth around 6%. Southern highway completed. South is a buzz – lots of new development. Plan for Hambantota to become southern commercial capital – LKR 130: 1 USD, inflation 13-14%.

2011-2012: the beginning of the boom years – GDP growth around 8%. FDI hits USD 1 Bio pa – Work starts on transforming Trinco.

20012-2017 Politics: North Stable and growing leaps and bounds. LTTE raises international bonds (which are oversubscribed). JVP are spent force but activism in central provinces emerging. Educational reforms thought necessary as only private schools/universities are able to produce people worth hiring – Student uprisings etc.

Economics: 2012-2014: Boom years – GDP growth at 10%pa. International airport planned for Jaffna and Trinco. Trinco port

2014-2017 : Reality starts to dawn – GDP growth at 6.5% - structural issues which have been ignored for years – bloated Government, Health, education start becoming the issue of the day.

2017-2022 Politics: Centre becomes an issue – what can be done to develop the Central provinces – Coasts are relatively stable. East is falling behind the North now. Economics: GDP growth at about 7% pa mainly led by provinces. Kandy expressway completed.

2022-2027 Politics: Jobs in Jaffna and Hambantota – Colombo now primarily a government/administrative city Economics: Jaffna now richest province, followed by South.

2027-2032 Politics: the central uprising – Kandy breaks into riots as economically depressed relative to the other provinces. Told to get new skills and work ethic or to remain a pure tourist town…

Thursday, May 24, 2007

colombo cool or the ultimate in pretension ...

went out the other night for dinner with the usual gang to Casa Colombo - and I am still trying to get to grips with was it something that was ultra hip or just so wannabe it was funny?my personal opinion is that I am glad that someone had the guts to do it - it is incredibly unique and you would be hard pressed to find something like it this side of South Miami Beach. However I guess I am looking at it from an architectural appropriateness - is this what I believe is appropriate for such a beautiful colonial-style building?there are some stunning elements - including the bar and some of the rooms... but also far too much for my taste

- it felt gimmicky and cluttered (as if a Miss Havisham from Great Expectations had been on an acid trip and decided to decorate this colonial mansion).

anyway enjoy

there were 2 restaurants:

  • heaven (HVN) (inside)
  • zaza (outdoors)

as for the food - it was generally fabulous. we decided to eat at the zaza and re-arrange the tables to accommodate the 8 of us. the tapas were really unique and really worked for sri lankan-ised fusion foods. i had a pol-sambol tuna tacos and they were truly mouth-watering. others on my end had the calamari with a mango or passion-fruit dip, crab pancakes and lollipop chicken - again outstanding and even the mixed salads were very good. i had the halibut with a curry sauce and lime basmati as a main - this was not so great (or not up to expectation after the incredible starters). others however were far more pleased - cannot remember what everyone had ...

we decided to have the desserts in the tea garden - and again rearranged the chairs to our preference. the wait-staff and management were very nice about this and didn't seem to mind us re-organising their layout. i had a scope ice cream which was a mix of juggery, almonds and something else but was served on a block of ice. very nice detail.

there were a few criticisms we had collectively about the food experience:

  • the bill - it came to about LKR 3000/ per head (with no alcohol) ( the tapas were relatively cheap at LKR 400 each but some of the fruit juices were LKR 450 each and mains were mostly LKR 1500-2500)
  • the drinks were served in plastic glasses - it is OK to have interesting shapes but you want to feel some weight in your hands
  • the chairs outside were lined in a velvet material - made some of feel hot and sticky

it was actually a very pleasant evening and personally i was very pleased that someone had the gusto to try something like this in Colombo..

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

dialog sucks



just for once it would be nice if things worked as promised...as the premier telecom provider in sri lanka dialog really sucks...

For the last year I have had the following issues with them:
  • this last weekend they turned off my idd without informing me. when i called up their customer services i was told that I had exceeded my credit limit. i then told the person that I had a left a deposit of LKR 11,500 and that my largest bill had been LKR 5,000 and that my bills are automatically settled to my credit card. She went "oh" - left me on hold for about 15 minutes and promised to restore my idd in 10 minutes time.
  • my phone was cut off from making or recieiving any calls for practically the whole day last thursday 17th may. I had arrived from Thailand that morning and use dialog's sms roaming service when abroad (paying my own bills i do not want to have outrageous roaming bills + they require a deposit of LKr 40,000). to start up the service you have to activate it by sending an SMS before you leave and similarly de-activate it by sending an SMS when you return to the island. I have had constant problems with it when I started using the service but they seemed to wok out the niggling issues (or at least my wife has patiently informed them that things weren't as they should be). Anyway my phone was not working properly until about 3:45pm and I had missed some very important calls that i had been expecting. dilaog really sucks
  • i had been receiving nuisance phone calls throughout this year from another dialog number. i had to send a formal complaint to them about the calls and sms - whcih i did. Anyway once i had made my complaint they sent this person a mail with my very number on it! Of course the idiot starts calling me and texting me in a very threatening manner - all dialog says it for me to take it to the police.
  • every time i go abroad and come I have to reset my phone to use voice mail or missed call alert
I just think their service sucks and was wondering if i should start a blog dialogsucks.blogspot.com similar to the ranjitfernandosucks.com - maybe we too can take it to the international media - especially in light of their trying to raise LKR 20 billion...